


Times wither

by Yoongis_genius_chain



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternitive Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Highschool AU, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Other, Seo Changbin-centric, Soft Seo Changbin, highschool, hurt seo changbin, stray kids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29622972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoongis_genius_chain/pseuds/Yoongis_genius_chain
Summary: TW! Suggested unstable mental healthWhat happens when you have no one to turn to?Who'll save you when you have nowhere to go?If no one is around,Where would you turn to.Would you just count the passing days,tic tac toe?If times wither...Where would you go?orWhen Changbin is being used and he needs to find his own way to be okay again.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. Cash for cuddles

Short introduction to original characters :

Dong-hyun: male, 19, leader of the shitty squad

Sanghoon: male, 18, Kinda silent, but still a douche 

A-Yeong: Female, 18, bitchy, 

Minseo: female, 17, turned toxic, used to be sweet. Still sometimes sweet.

**Also TW!: Hinted unstable mental health**

He walked alone most days, rarely passing by a human soul. The closest thing would be the squirrels in the trees, or the larvae on the leafs. His destination home seemed longer than most days, but lately everything had seemed that way. Everything stretching out just that little bit longer that made everything unbearable. But i guess that just how it is, when you get your heart a little bit broken. Not that it was anything new but it would always hurt. It would always hurt just that little bit. He had made peace with being alone a long time ago, he grew to be okay with it. He was used to being used, so why shouldn't it be okay? It was always okay with changbin. Even if with every break he broke. It all turned out fine. I guess it hurts a little but differently that all your friends turn their backs when you don't bring your loaded credit card. Even if it was his dailylife, it stung. Sometimes he wished he was broke. I mean, don't get him wrong, he appreciated and was grateful to everything did for him and his siblings. But he hated being treated like a wallet. Always cashing out, left and right. He loathed it. But he could never escape it. Those crap friends were all he head. Dong-hyun, Sanghoon, A-Yeong and Minseo were the only friends he had, if you could even call them that. It hurt to be with them, but Changbin had never been one for being alone. That, he loathed too. And to be honest, Minseo wasn't that bad. she just grew accustomed to his easy-yielding nature. He guessed that was his own fault for letting them grow to see him different. Minseo had actually treated him kindly once, but seeing how he was stepped over by the other three, she changed their mannerisms to what was beneficial to her. Again, it hurt. But having someone to hug close after long classes was important to Changbin, and if he could pay himself to get even just a little of that. It was better than being alone, right? Even if at the end of the day, he walked alone. Reaching his door, he sighed. Sluggishly reaching into his pocket to get his keys before unlocking the door with them. He kicked of his shoes and made his way to the living room couch where his stuffed snorlax stuffie patiently sat, awaiting his after-school cuddles. Changbin flung himself on the couch hugging the plushie close to his chest. He sighed, muttering incoherent nothings, slowly falling into a slumber.

He was awoken to the smell of food, immediately making him perk up and shuffle to the kitchen where his mom had prepared dinner. "hi Binnie, nice to see you up", she laughed. His face heated a bit at that "sorry mom, didn't mean to fall asleep......again.." he trailed off. She giggled at that "sit down, i'll call the rest", she said softly. And so he did, he sat down on his usual place. He wasn't really that hungry. His appetite hadn't really been there recently and he honestly just wanted to cuddle with his pokemon stuffie. The rest of his family gathered around the table, small-talking before digging into their foods. Looking down at his plate changbin sighed softly before putting a scallop in his mouth. Chewing it softly, trying not to show how much he didn't want to be here. He loved his family, but he couldn't manage food right now. That one, tiny thing alone making him nauseous. He was zoned out throughout most of dinner. Only speaking up softly when asked about his day. "It was okey.....the math test wasn't all bad, i think i did okey", he chose to leave out his friends nagging him into buying them lunch and snacks. He pocketed his hands, finding the space empty, as he spent all his cash for the week. He smiled softly at that, his friends couldn't take what wasn't there. Maybe they'd buy him lunch tomorrow. After eating he washed up and reunited with his lovely bed....and his stuffie of course. 

"Tomorrow will be better, right Gyu? I don't have anymore cash on me.......... they'll still like me, right?" He asked hopefully, his voice wavering slightly. Once again he cradled his stuffed animal, Gyu. Falling back into unconsciousness.

Not proof read


	2. Morning hugs…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Changbins friends are shit, i think he realizes that...

Making his way to school, his walk had more spring in them than usual. A soft smile stretched over his sharp face. His earbuds played one of his unpublished songs. He hadn't been looking where he was going, too caught up in his happy train of thought. He had no cash! And with his clumsy nature, of course, he had to bump into someone. Headfirst. And who would expect- his unbalanced self fell to the ground. I swear, sometimes I question why I was sent to narrate him, but anyways. There he fell. Now he's on the floor, god damn he's barely registered that he's on the floor........Pick yourself up mate, it's okay. Okay no, the handsome guy is doing that for you-

Yes, so Uhm, the handsome man's outstretched hand lingered there for a while. "Hi, are you okay?", he finally spoke up, taking Changbin's hand. Tired of waiting. With little effort, he pulled Changbin up from, the ground. "oh, uhm- y-yeah! of course, Uhm, I'm sorry eh.. I wasn't paying attention, sorry" Changbin rambled, the handsome man chuckled softly, shrugging it off. "It's fine, I have to get going. You're sure you're alright though, right? You took a pretty hard fall right there" the man asked, concern lacing his voice. Changbin nodded softly, bowing slightly to the kind stranger. The other man returning the gesture before smiling softly at changbin, taking his leave. Leaving Changbin to question who the bunny-looking boy was. He was very pretty, he added. A pretty bunny. A pretty familiar bunny..... And so his mind wandered. 

First class: science, he had that class with Dong-Hyun, but he was late, so Changbin sat alone throughout most of the class. Having to listen to ms. Wha's mind-numbing rant on Chromosomes....did those even belong in science? towards the end of class Donghyun did show up, which- well it didn't change much, the lesson was still boring as ever. Changbin spent his time doodling small, handsome, familiar bunnies in his notebook. Tuning out ms. Hwa's boring homosomes, I spelled that wrong? I don't think so.

"What you drawing Chang-ah?" Dong-Hyun asked in a bored manner, startling Changbin. "ah, eh- just someone pretty I saw on my way to school today, Hyung", he answered. Half covering up the truth. The older hummed in acknowledgment, furrowing his brows at the drawing. "hm, You're gay?", he questioned. Looking at Changbin with a brow raised lazily. "A-ah, no hyung! What do you-" He stuttered before the elder laughed out, making him trail off. "I was just kidding bin. Gee" He huffed out, unable to hide his amusement. "anyway", he coughed. "Where are we going to eat today, eh? Your treat?" He asked. Making the others heart drop and his shoulder slouch. "I don't have any more money Hyung, I can't-" He was cut off by a scoff. "Then call your dad for fucks sake, I didn't bring money" he growled out, cussing Changbin under his breath. Making him wince slightly. Changbin just hummed, assuring Dong-Hyun that he heard his demand. 

Lunch came around soon enough, making dread pool in the short boy's stomach. Being the stubborn, prideful guy he is, Changbin hadn't called either of his parents, well...Besides the 'if I die today Dong-Hyun did it' text he sent to his mom. His hands shook a bit at his sides, betraying his facadal confidence. Taking a deep breath, he confidently strode towards his friends. Greeting them. "So, Bin-ah. Where are we going, little one?", A-Yeong asked, padding his head degradingly. Her acrylics scratching his scalp slightly, making him shudder. His voice came out more comfortable than expected as he exclaimed his, expectantly, last words. "I don't have any money with me, I told you this yesterday Noona...We can just stay here, the canteen serves decent foods too, we can just get some there". The silence from the others was so uncomfortable that it hurt. It gave this kinda energy: "...". Or like, *cricket sounds*. That kind of silence, and of that's not one of the worst things to be greeted with after saying something confidently, then I don't know what the fuck is. Luckily Sanghoon was kind enough, or equally as uncomfortable as Changbin, to speak up. A stuttered "oh", was all that he exclaimed though. That was 'till Minseo, the once nice, spoke up "that's okay Changbin, you can just stay here, I think. We'll just go eat something, okay?", he spoke. Forcing sweetness, forcing friendliness. Changbins' eyes reddened at that as he stuttered out a soft "why can't I come with?", looking up at them with pleading eyes. Making A-Yeong soften, slightly. "ehm...you said you were broke though, right?", she spoke, padding his shoulder. Making them slouch in defeat as he mumbled out a demotivated "I pay for you though...", which made Dong-Hyun pick up from his unbothered faze. "Ay, you brat! Don't talk to your Noona like that, you pay 'cause you can afford it!" he spoke in a cold manner making Changbin hang his head, finding his shoes more interesting now. "Yes, sorry Hyung...." he whispered, only loudly enough for them to hear. "Yeah, I thought so", the elder muttered, before the group left. Leaving Changbin to stand alone in the middle of the hallway. Barely any money and no one to be with. His eyes prickled with the oncoming tears, making him turn his route towards the bathrooms to sort himself out. In the stall, he cried. That was until someone yelled "pussy", his way. That made him dry his eyes, even if his eyes still stung. Digging through his pockets he did find 2000 won (Roughly 1,8 American dollars). With that, he decided to see if that could get him anything, at all. Getting to the cafeteria, felt like forever. Just like his ways home, and usually the ways to school too. And anything between that. This morning had been different though, and he couldn't put his finger on why. Reaching the cafeteria, he made his way to the canteen. Looking through the days' menu. As he glared at the stupid now-expensive-cause-he-was-broke menu someone walked up to him. Well, rather into him. With their tray filled with food. I think you know where this is going...Everybody, Seo Changbin is back on the floor. I repeat, Seo Changbin is on the _floor_. **again**. "Ah! Rich boy, tF are you doiNg?!" The guy asked. Changbin st up slowly, wincing. Realizing that he indeed was on the floor, and additionally soaked in milk and sauce...something with Seo Changbin and luck- Anyways, the other guy was just about fuming. Yelling profanities left and right while angrily prodding at Changbin's soaked chest, demanding that he pay for his lunch while Changbin tries to explain that he doesn't have any at the moment. Ultimately getting his last money ripped from his palm as the guy grabs him by the collar, pushing him back down to the floor and the spilled food. The guy raised his fist, grabbing Changbin by the collar and levitating him from the ground. He closed his eyes, flinching away. Awaiting a hit that...well, it never came. He opened his eyes when he felt a warm palm softly against his back, his gaze met two males standing over him. One of them holding the others fist, busying himself with getting the food-spill guy as far away from Changbin and the other boy as possible. Panting in panic as he is finally released, he looked back to meet the eyes of a familiar face. Bunny boy! Come to think about it...He switched his eyes to the other boy, who had gotten the food-spill boy a fair while away, that guy also looked kind of like a rodent. A squirrel, maybe? Never mind that, bunny boy was still supporting Changbin's weight, making him blush, trying to move away. This quickly proved to be ineffective as bunny boy merely shushed him in a comforting back, moving them out of the mess and sitting Changbin in a way that had him completely leaning his back against the other. "Are you okay", he asked in a soothing voice, looking into the other's eyes as he turned his head. Changbin muttered a soft "yeah, I'm fine", to that. His voice betraying him slightly as a little strain can be heard through. At that moment, Squirrel-hero-guy came back, looking worried squatting in front of him. Scanning him thoroughly for any injuries "You okay there? Did he hit you?" He asked. What was with these guys and concern? How do you show it through your voice? Changbin choked slightly trying to speak up, "I'm fine really. Thank you! Both of you, you didn't have to, but I really appreciate it! Thank you....he didn't hit me, no", he spoke. Trying, again to stand, this time being helped up by the two rodent-boys. "Don't worry about it! I'm just glad you didn't get hurt", squirrel boy said. With that, Changbin found a little ounce of confidence to ask the boys their name...That was until a big group of boys approached them. "Lee know, Jisung! There you guys are!" A tall, dimpled boy yelled. He looked like he would be a good hugger....Fuck, not now! A shit ton of people are approaching at least five. How the fuck does he run, bunny boy's or Lee Know's or Jisung's hand was still on his back, and he couldn't just run like that.......Fuck, fuck- Okey, no eye contact, look! Shoes! wow, those are some pretty big feet-! Okey, now squirrel-boy or Lee Know or Jisung is holding his elbow. Have you ever wanted to just cut off everything from your waist and up, and just run? 'Caus,e that's what Changbin was contemplating on doing right at that moment. "Oi...who dat?" Big foot-boy asked, making bunny-boy perk up. "Oh! ehm....well, this is the boy I bumped into this morning! Just happened to well..." he trailed off for Squirrel-boy to pick up: "he was about to be beaten up by Taewoo". Making the five other boys' faces turn into ones of shock. "oh, shit! Are you okay? Damn, who are you? I'm Bang Chan!" The dimpled boy, well- Bang Chan, said. The direct questions making Changbin stutter a bit "U-Uhm, yeah! I'm okay, I ehh, I'm Changbin!" he spoke out. "Oh! Changbin? Seo Changbin?" One of them asked, the big group of people disorientating him enough to not know who, but the words made him swallow a lump. The Surname...he should've known that all he was was money- he nodded regardless. "Ah, you did seem familiar! We have maths together! Where're your friends? They're....?" The guy trailed off....oh! Hyunjin! Hoodie Hoodie, Boogie Boogie, groovy groovy guy! "Oh! Hyunhin, right?" he asked, excited to know at least one of them. The other boy answering his question with an enthusiastic nod, making Changbin smile. That soon being wiped completely off his face as his stupid friends hollered out his name, coming towards them. "Oi Changie! Who're your friends?", Dong-Hyun asked in a mocking manner, "didn't realize you had others" he finished off, a stupid smirk on his face. "I guess there they are..." muttered Hyunjin, obviously bummed that he didn't have time to talk to his classmate. Everyone knew that that crew was a bunch of idiots and gold-diggers. Odd how a guy like Changbin god mixed into that, he thought. Changbin felt Squirrels grip on his elbow tighten a bit in sync with the way rabbit-boy tucked softly at his shirt, getting the smaller to lean his back against him. "Hmm...Where've you been Hyung? You reek of smoke; did you go to a barbecue or something?" Changbin asked, his eyes furrowing up in confusion and his nose wrinkling with disgust at the ugly stench. His whole demeanor screaming displeasure with the situation. Bunny is able to feel every tightening and twitch of muscles, clenching. Dong-Hyun raised his eye at the question, rolling his eyes. "Do you think we'd be back by now if we had barbecue? Besides, only you can pay for that- when do you get your weekly again, eh?" he spoke out. Seemingly unbothered by the disgruntled others who were all slowly piecing together Changbin's role in this group. Having their suspicions confirmed as the boy's whole demeanor shifted at the mention of money. His shoulders slumping, his eyes casting downward, his legs crossing, his arms folding in on him and the way he pulled away from the human-rodents. With a sigh Changbin muttered out a sassy "When do you fucking think if I get it per week. On fucking Monday....fucking bitch" so silently that only Bunny-boy, who stood directly behind him and squirrel who stood closely beside him could hear it. The comment making them cackle. Causing the smaller group of people to frown. "What did you say" A-Yeong squeaked out, making Changbin roll his eyes, "Do you know how to count the days of the week?" He asked, looking from A-Young to Dong-Hyun. Both of them nodding, their body language showing their obvious attitudes towards the situations at hand. "And if I get it weekly when the fuck do you think I'll get it, eh?" he spat. Something about the way bunny-boys hand ran up and down comfortingly giving him a confidence boost. Or maybe it was the way the puppy-looking boy's fist clenched in anger towards the leader of the other group. "You little-" Dong-Hyun began, his jaw clenching. "Thought I told you little brat that that isn't any way to talk to your superiors!" he grits out. Making Changbin smirk, tilting his head, and lifting his brow in a silent 'what was that again?' kind of manner. He took a step towards his 'superior', away from the rodents, away from the other kind strangers. Also the not-so-stranger, Hyunjin. "Superior you say..." Changbin looked up into the other boy's eyes. "that's kind of funny considering....I'm the one paying for your lunch..." he stopped to gather his thoughts, biting his cheek before laughing a bit. A real, genuine- no bite - kind of laugh. But one still filled with poison. "It _is_ funny! I'm the one who paid for that shirt, you're wearing! And those pretty shoes! hah...It's funny you call yourself superior...You go around and spit on the poor, while you feed off the fortunate- Fucking parasite. Leeching off your Dongsaeng. Making me pay for everyone and still having the audacity to try to school me about manners. Pathetic, 'hyung'. You're older than me, but in no way are you my superior", the short boy growled out before turning on his heel, storming out of the cafeteria. Heat and unprocessed wrath seeping off him, and once again. His world didn't turn in slow motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's note, not important. You can skip it)  
> My fuck-finger cramped while writing this, hope you enjoyed it.......Seriously fuck, I didn't realize that could happen. Sorry for the bad grammar and stuffs, if you dislike the story ehm....Well, me too, so eh- Well, I would defend myself and say that this is my first story, or at least fanfic, but it's not so i really have no excuse.  
> I'm listening to random skz yt playlists and so help me god, i thought i heard my grandma calling me- That was trippy, 'cause it's about 2 am and she doesn't live here- Idk, why am i sharing these things? oh yeah, I'm writing a fanfiction at 2 am on a - well i guess it's considered monday, now? - having to wake to online school 'cause miss Rona chose to throw a fit. Istg, I'm not entirely sane at these hours. But- who cares, I'm having fun.


	3. Something about floors-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When we're alone, we do the dumber things.  
> All it takes is company to do the dumbest

After that, it all came to a halt. Like it always did, after the post-confidence gloat, everything slowed down again. Making his steps feel just that bit heavier. Changbin thought about skipping, he really contemplated on just going home. Leaving school grounds and running into a bush or something. The hurt and doubt stabbing the back of his mind, like a needle trying to penetrate rough leather patches. His head was hurting, so was his heart. His eyes stung, and so did his stomach, when the hunger pangs hit. Changbins' appetite may have decreased lately, but that didn’t mean he’d be unaffected by the internal pain that was hunger. A sure inconvenience, being human. Making his way to class with a heavy heart, he pondered on what he'd even do now. If he'd kept his mouth shut he'd still have friends. Fake leech friends, but friends, somehow. In the upcoming class, he usually sat next to Sanghoon. Card in hand, as the other enjoyed online-shopping in this class. Economy class. That’s a bit ironic, it could almost make Changbin laugh. Almost being just enough for a small smile stretch Changbins features. Almost.

What stopped that from happening was the reminder that he wouldn’t be sitting with Sanghoon. Now, he had no one. Why did he have to do that? Who will hug him now? Who will talk or chat with him, in and between classes? Would he just be…alone? A sense of panic collided with Changbins chest as he strode his way to class.

To say that economy class was Changbin's favorite would be an absolute lie. He hated that class, but this one was so bafflingly horrible that not even math class could top it. It was horrible. Sitting alone in class, Changbin wanted to disappear. He could feel Sanghoon’s hatred, even 6 tables away from him, making him hang his head in shame. Once again doodling in his notebook. Two hero-rodents, a protective-looking puppy, a bigfooted dimpled man, and a tall one. He also drew two faceless people in the background, both shying away, standing behind the dimpled boy.  
And with that it all slipped away, slipping into his little, happy, drawn-out dream world.

Classes passed slowly, art class where Changbin drew more happy faces, mocking his silent tears. The last class of the day was math, the one only Monday class he shared with the whole crew. Dong-Hyun, Sanghoon, A-,Yeong, and Minseo. The nightmare fuels. Once inside the noisy classroom, Changbin noticed the filled-out place, that had been his. Between Dong-Hyun and A-Yeong sat a sweet-looking boy. Also, a rich-looking boy, mainly based on his expensive, straight school suit and the Givenchy scarf. A-Yeong was petting the newcomer’s hair affectionately while sliming her way into his wallet. Leech. Having to now improvise before his displeasure gets too obvious. Changbin did not regret letting go of the parasite, merely remorseful that he had to be alone. And sue him, if getting attached to toxic was a crime. In that case, jail must surely be overbooked. Spotting a single empty seat next to a rigid, constipated-looking boy. Shrugging that off, he made his way to the seat, “Is this seat taken?”, he asked with a polite smile. The constipated boys’ shoulders fell in what looked like relief. Lifting his head to meet the others’ eyes. Greeting Changbin with a familiar eye smile “sure! Kinda hoped you’d ask, actually”, Hyunjin said. Shuffling slightly, making better space for the smaller boy. As Changbin sat down, he accidentally bumped his knee hard into the table, making him yelp and…..What is it with this boy and floors? It’s getting a bit out of hand, don’t you think? I mean, sure- it happens but…this is the third time today, I can’t keep coming up with creative ways of explaining how pitiful his situation on the ground is- nor the fact that he again takes an awfully long time to realize he’s on the floor. Better luck next time, bud- Hyunjin’s eyes widened in shock, freezing for a second. Just staring at the, now grounded, pained boy. His knee was aching like a bitch. After that prior mentioned second, he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard, tears springing to his eyes, stomach cramping and- losing balance…monkey sees, monkey does, I guess. Now two boys are on the floor laughing, not noticing the confused teacher entering the now otherwise silent classroom. No, they were just- on the floor, having a lovely time. Muscles screaming and smiles bright. The teacher, Mrs. Man blinking down at them, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed in a silent question. Turning to the other students, they all shrugged. All having missed the, apparently, very funny thing. Honestly, I don’t know if they’d be less confused if they knew. I mean, people falling is funny but- They’re both on the floor crying-laughing, it isn’t really thAt funny… Mrs. Man coughed in a way only a judging teacher can, making both boys’ heads snap up and make them scramble back on top of their chairs, or for Changbins sake, just on the chair. For the first time, damned clumsiness. Throughout the boring lesson, Changbin's mind had wandered to how he always managed to end up on the floor. In all honestly, I’ve personally questioned this many times. His mind-swarm leading him to become very sure that it was the earth’s magnetic field and gravity working against him, pulling him down every possible occasion. He was pulled out of his train of thought by a soft nudging on his shoulder. He looked at the arms owner, Hyunjin, questioningly, shifting his gaze to the boy's extended hand. In it, a snickers bar. Changbin looked back up Hyunjin questioningly, to that he nudged the candy bar against the others’ resting hand. Whispering out: “You never got to eat anything, you need nutrients to grow………and you kinda need to grow”, he chuckled through the last part, seeming very satisfied with himself. The last statement earning him a glare and friendly slap as Changbin took the Snickers. Unwrapping it with skilled noiselessness, impressing Hyunjin who kept switching his wide-eyed line of vision from his own to Changbins' hands, staring at him with an unspoken question. Changbin chuckled at that, “Thank”, he whispered. His stomach filling with happy fireflies, or perhaps pigeons? Hyunjin, an almost stranger had given him food, not demanding money or denied him om anything. He’s done it so effortlessly. When Changbin was about halfway through the chocolate bar, noticing the others’ gawking, he held the bar up to the other's lips, barely sparing him another look as he kept his eyes on the board. Feeling that Hyunjin had taken his bite, Changbin retracted the bar, just barely picking up on the taller’s mumbled “thanks Hyung”, making his eyes widen slightly…That couldn’t be right- Hyunjin was a shit ton taller than him, he had to be about 2 years older- now this was something embarrassing. More so that he soon was choking on his shock, squeaking out a strained “what-” getting cut off by a cough. The question giving him only a raised brow from the, apparently, younger. “H-how the fuck did you get so fucking tall?!” he choked out, eyes big, face red- reflecting one of horror and extreme disbelief. Not able to hold in his loud cackle, Hyunjin broke into yet another laughing fit. Landing himself on the floor, receiving a deathly “I’m your scary old maths teacher” glare from Mrs. Man and a frantic helping hand from Changbin. It took a very persistent and earnest Changbin to get Hyunjin back and stable in his seat. Huffing out a breathless “thank you-” followed up by a shrug and a very sassy “you’re just tiny, Hyung”, making Changbin slap his arm again accompanied by a dramatic eye-roll.

He was trying to finish off his snickers when a paper ball landed on the table. Making him sigh, wrapping up the candy silently before uncrumpling the note a big, fat

  
“Enjoying yourself Changbitch?

Careful on the carbs- they won’t suit you”

A small, sloppy sketch off a little chubby, chocolate-stained Changbin. The note-making his stomach churn, his jaw clenching as he crumbled up the small paper. Glaring back at his ‘friends’, If he could’ve ever called them that. He glared at the remaining, wrapped up Snickers, ultimately just offering the rest to his seatmate. Who frowned, first at him, then the crumbled paper. The shorter merely pressed the candy against the confused others’ mouth. Not caring for questions. He still didn’t have an appetite, anyway.

The bell rang loudly, startling both boys out of their we’re-having-math-class-as-our-last-subject-and-simply-cannot-be-bothered haze, making them start packing up, ready to go, the fuck, home. As they made their way out of the school premises, they bid each other kind goodbyes before parting ways. And so, once again, Changbin was alone, with his mind, with his actions, and with his hurts. He plugged his headphones into his phone, opening Soundcloud and shuffle-playing a random rap playlist. The beat, steadying his racing heart, altering his pace, and unfogging his mind. Today had been one big mindfuck. Actually, it had been one very big fall to the floor. But also, there was a hint of being picked back up again. Giving him distant hope that maybe someone was standing over him with an outstretched hand and an open heart. It’s thoughts like these that can make him hope, that maybe…maybe not everything is big, bad, or blue. When things like these happen, they really do shake him up. They can make him want to stay in his bed, alone, for weeks basking in the darkness engulfing him on the basement couch. He couldn’t let that happen though. He was Seo Changbin, he had a path. If he wanted to be again okay one day he’d have to tear through the saranwrap that was keeping him locked in the darkest of places. Making itself disguised as a soft blanket, covering up for its depressing nature. He had to break free, and one thing that always helped him do that…he needed his mom and a cuddling session with Gyu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you have any requests or ideas you'd like incorporated, please write them in the comments and i'll do my very best to fit them in!


	4. softly-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all begins near the endings

“Mommahhhh”, Changbin whined out after unlocking the door. Kicking off his shoes. He heard the woman before he saw her. The soft pitter-patter of socket feet assuring him that she was indeed running towards him. Her worried eyes met his instantly, softening at her son’s teary gaze. He cried out, heart full of hurt, flinging himself into her waiting arms. There, he sobbed out in anger and betrayal. He screamed and clawed at himself, letting everything out. Choking out broken and slurred nothings. Ranting on about how Dong-Hyun was a down-right asshole that would always steal everything from him. He went on about how the fish-looking fool would make him want to disappear, how he made him feel small and unheard. He cried to his mom about his constant fear of just being a gaping wallet. How he hated being fortunate, how he wanted to just sit in the basement with Gyu and cry. He told her about how he’d just wanted friends, that that was all he’d ever wanted. Love and affection told her about how he had to pay off his every penny to receive a degrading pat on the head or a caress of the arm. The pair of them slipped to the floor where the woman attempted to pacify her crying child. Patting and stroking his back, embracing him in her love, whispering sweet affirmations in his ears, shushing him calmly. Quickly reducing him to sniffles and soft cries. His screaming now merely soft incoherent babbles as he buried his face in her neck, making his mom chuckle. “Bin-ah, we can’t just sit here on the floor. Here, let’s get you to the livingroom- Gyu’s waiting on the couch” she encouragingly whispered to him, making him look up at her with so much trust and admiration. His eyes swarming with his current emotions, the uncovered and the ones he’d never let anyone get close to. No one, but Gyu. The stuffed animal is his only true friend. He may trust his mother with his days, but Gyu was there at night. Gyu saw through the soars and blisters of his breaking heart. He was there when Changbin broke down, losing his breath quickly. Gyu didn’t interrupt, or judge. He was a stuffed animal for crying out loud. But that little ball of fluff had been with the boy through so much. On that note - he let himself get half-dragged into the Livingroom, onto the beige couch. It wasn’t as homely as the one in the basement, but it held Gyu. Changbin plopped himself down on the springy thing. Grasping the stuffed Pokémon and holding it tightly against his chest. Sighing softly as his mom sat at the foot of the couch, softly padding his shins. A bit weird place to be in as a mother. I mean- it’s not every day your teenager breaks down in front of you as a greeting. “Do you want to talk about it?”, she asked in a comforting voice. Now this- Changbin- absolutely-fucking-not. He may have accidentally opened the can of worms, but now he was re-sealing the thing before any of them could slither out. That’s a disgusting way to put it, Changbin- ew. Sometimes I hate being able to hear your subconscious. You can’t, so why the fuck should I? And your thought too, sometimes you make me question my sanity, but well- It’s not everyone who gets their whole life closely narrated by a random thing, so maybe there’s something about that…anyways. Deciding to give her son much-needed space, she pats his shin one last before rising to her feet, throwing a soft smile and an “it’ll be okay”, his way before disappearing into her bedroom.

Changbin slept through dinner, through getting ready for bed and he also slept through postponing going to bed. He slept through a lot, almost also his alarm! His back ached from sleeping on the couch. The world spinning for a second making him--roll onto the floor……better luck next time bud- get up now. I mean please, at least realize you’re on the floor- nope? Okay well, he’s back asleep. Have fun with your aching back and lovely detention slip later-

He was running, he was running his very fastest, trying so hard to get to school in time. Our icon running his way to P.E, what a way to enter that class. Already all sweaty and out of breath, that’ll be a whole moment. A very awkward one, too. Oh, he’s running towards the boys from yesterday! Maybe he’s trying to catch up to them, maybe he’s turning his world around today! Just kidding, he hasn’t noticed. I never get to romanticize with this guy, knowing everything he does…aish. No, but really- he’s about to run into them. The group of boys turned their heads in his direction, reacting as they would hearing anyone running. Snapping their heads towards the sound of quick, springy steps on cement. The young-looking boy was the first to predict what was about to happen, his eyes widening in shock and terror. He pushed forward a little bit, reaching out just in time as the boy ran into him, his awaiting arms. Using all his might to keep them both standing. The compact made wild Changbin gasp, his knees weakening making him melt directly into the embrace. It felt like a hug…it made the tension in his shoulders release. He took a deep breath, savoring the moment before breaking the embrace, mumbling out hurried gratitudes and apologies. The young-looking guy broke off his incoherent string of- well gratitudes and apologies with a smooth “Hey, I’m Jeongin and you just fell _in_ my arms”, making everyone laugh. Hyunjin even falling to the floor in hysteria. Changbin, too, was laughing. So hard his knees gave out, the ground was inevitable. From the very moment he began running he should’ve known. Jeongin should’ve known too, should’ve just paved the way. There was no possible way for Changbin not to end on the floor this day, the only thing different this time is that it had been raining earlier- it had rained…I guess that’s not very different from the lunch incident yesterday. But something was actually different this time. Changbin was _aware_ that he was on the floor. He had immediately noticed. There’s still hope, folks! Trying his best to get up, he failed miserably, you know when the teacher wants you to do something in P.E- I guess this only goes out to the non-athletic peeps- and you just miserably fail. That was what Changbin reflected at that moment. That and an upside-down turtle, trying to flip itself around. It looked pitiful, to put it kindly. It looked so depressing that the blonde guy had to step in, helping Changbin get back up. In a deep voice, he said “Something about you and floors, hm?” Smiling kindly- “I’m Felix btw, but you can call me Yongbok too”. Besides his baritone voice, Changbin noticed the dangling earrings. They glistened where the sun’s rays hit them. Once again, Changbin thanked a guy from that group. Felix’s eyes drifted to the duffle bag the other was carrying. His face lit up in what couldn’t be described ad anything but delight, “you have P.E too? Why don’t we all go together. We’re gonna be late either way, so let’s do it as a team.”, this guy…he was something else, his vibe was so assuring. He had a kind of presence that makes you want to spill your guts onto the floor and let him hug you while you cry. He felt a bit like Gyu, in a way. Something about him made him seem undeniable, and it wasn’t an offer Changbin would dream to deny. He quickly nodded his head, maybe his head’ll accidentally snap off with the mere force of the nods. He must’ve lost at the very least 1200 brain cells. I can almost feel his brain getting motion-sickness. As they made their way towards the pitch, ‘Bang chan’, spoke up “we should all introduce ourselves, so Changbin doesn’t feel so alien, I can imagine how bugging it probably is, not knowing the names of all of us. I’m Bang Chan, as I’ve said before. You can just call me Chan…wait- when’s your birthday Changbin?”. Well, that was a mouthful- I’m pretty sure the cogs in the shortest boy's brain completely just stopped, then. It took him a whole re-loading process to even comprehend the first sentence. This lead to a very long silence, all awaiting eyes pointing at Changbin. “ehh…oh! 11th of august 99” he finally answered making the questioner release a satisfied “ahh”, followed by “I’m your Hyung, then!” and a bright smile. hamster-boy was the next to speak up “I’m Jisung, you could also call me Han.” He spoke, smiling brightly. His hair reached his eyes, seeming to irritate him slightly. Next in line was Felix “Hi Hyung, as said, I’m Felix. You can call me whatever you’d like, my pronouns are he/him!” Felix spoke, his eyes looking like galaxies of purity and love. “Ah, I’m Lee know, or Minho. I’m your Hyung, how are you, btw- I mean. After yesterday, and all,” he asked, his face and posture held so much confidence and sincerity, it made the questioned boys heart warm- “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. And thank you! Really, I really appreciate you guys helping me”, Changbin spoke. The line went on to- “I’m Jeongin, the youngest. Please treat me well!” and “I’m dandy boY, Seungmin” both of their smiles so bright and warm. The last boy, Hyunjin, smiled brightly at him “Hey Hyung, you already know me”, he chuckled, mumbling “short Hyung”, mocking him. Though it had no bite, not like when the others would joke about his height. Hyunjin made him want to laugh along, instead of defending his pride. That or it was still on the ground. Any whom, Changbin laughed along.

Exposing Changbin time: he’s slightly zoned out through the last two introductions, just barely catching their names. Instead, he’d been having an internal battle of whether or not he was supposed to introduce himself. Finally going with a short, overly-enthusiastic “I’m Changbin, thanks for picking me up three times, now!” Cringing at himself, hard. The others cackled out, Hyunjin almost throwing himself to the ground. Another floor enthusiast! Felix hit the elders back, uncontrollably laughing. Changbin quickly turned scarlet, chuckling along. His shoulder tightened, slightly. Shortly. Lee know put a calming hand on his shoulder, still laughing along softly. The hand was obviously a multi-purpose kind of situation. He was not only steadying himself but also successfully grounded the younger. Making the tension release from his shoulders. This was what friendship was supposed to be like? It felt like what Changbin had been missing. Was this all he’d ever dreamed of? Was it a trap? His beaten mind was so used to being let down- maybe they were trying to crawl into his pockets…Changbin was aware that not everyone was obsessed with wealth, but money was such a big part of the world, could anyone disregard that? Maybe all he was, was money. But maybe these people were all he’d ever hoped for. Maybe these were trustworthy people, ones who had stood up for him once. Ones who would do it again. Ones who’d want to hug and cuddle him. Maybe these were the people who’d stay, those who would chase all the monsters away. Changbin knew that a spark could either die out with dread, start a fire of care, or explode in pain. But the small chance that he could finally get his flame, his real friends- that small chance was enough for Changbin to open his mind to the concept of trying again. Cause maybe…maybe it could all be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (s/o to my friend @livyas on wattpad for thinking Changbin woke up to the smell of feet in chapter one- here you go)
> 
> About updates: i try to update as frequently as possible, but please don't expect daily updates as I have other things that are also important to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
